While  she was "flying" down the road yesterday,  a woman passed over a bridge only to  find a cop with a radar gun on the 
other  side lying in wait. 

The cop pulled  her over, walked up to the car, with that  classic patronizing smirk we all know and  love, asked, "What's your hurry?"  

To which she replied, "I'm late for  work." 
Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you  do?" 
  
I'm  a rectum stretcher," she responded. 

The  cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?  
And  just what does a rectum stretcher do?"  

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting  one finger, then work my way up to two  fingers, then three, then four, then with  my whole hand in.  I work 
from  side to side until I can get both hands  in, and then I slowly  but surely stretch it, until it's  about 6 feet wide." 

"And just what the  hell do you do with a 6 foot a**hole ?  "  he asked. 

"You give him a radar  gun and park him behind a bridge..."  

Traffic Ticket - $95.00 
Court  Costs -  $45.00 
Look on the Cop's  Face....PRICELESS  !

Well,  the Church threw my cookies out of the bake sale again...

Just a great reminder to be ever watchful, and pay attention.
 
 Like they used to say on Hill Street Blues, "Let's be safe out there!"
 
 See the video....... people couldn't be paying attention to their driving.
 
 There, by the Grace of God.... be careful out there... keep your eyes on the
 road, and at the red lights......
 
 Remember this film when you start through an intersection.
 
 The other guy won't always be paying attention.

-Submitted by Peter W.-

Ed. note; Amen to that, brother

We've all seen the texting shortcuts used by kids -- LOL (Laughing Out Loud), CUL8R (See You Later), etc.
It's time older folks got in on the action... but our daily concerns are different than those of the younger generation.

With that, expect to start seeing these shortcuts from your older friends:

ATD - At The Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend Fell

BTW - Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas

ROFLACGU - Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up
and...

TTYL - Talk To You Louder

Hey team, we done good! (The MMC Alumni Assoc. netted $968.01).  Thanks to Jim and Gina - our top individual ticket sellers. Thanks to Vivien and Shelley for coordinating stuff at the Collegiate and for providing the site. Thanks to those who came out to help on April 10. Thanks to all who attended and brought friends.   Thanks to the Sisters for a superb performance.  A reminder of our next meeting on Monday April 25, 2011 at 7:00 p.m. I am most grateful. 
-Ron Storozuk-

Good Saturday morning to you all. This was just dropped onto my Facebook page, and I have to tell you this is one amazing video. Not an original concept by any stretch since lipdub vids have become very popular (a lip dub is a type of video that combines lipsynching and audiodubbing to make a music video), but this one was created by what appears to be the entire UBC student body and features the longest single camera shot I have ever seen. Lots of inventive fun and crazy energy, raising money for a charitable cause. There is great hope for the next generation!

Unfortunately this is true!

Note To All  Hunters:
This is from a  San Francisco newspaper

Golf season is so close now you can almost smell it. No wait, that's just the months old doggie-do coming up through the snow. In preparation for that first tee-off, Peter W. has graciously forwarded to us a video on the art of the simple swing. Let's hope it can improve your game...

Finally - - An answer we can understand.

   An American tourist asks an Irishman:
  "Why do scuba divers always fall
    backwards off their boats?"

 To which the Irishman replies:
 "If they fell forwards they'd still be in the
  f-----'  boat."

Re: Finish what you started; 04/02/2011;
That's so weird! I took Phil's advice too and finished half a bottle of Viagra. I have never been so "up" in my life! And speaking of Viagra, I always thought the drug companies that sell it and Prozac should get together and market 2-packs with one of each pill. If you're depressed because you suffer from ED you take the Viagra. If it doesn't work....you take the Prozac. If the Viagra works really well and you can't keep your hands off your wife, you can give her the Prozac. (just kidding honey....really)
-Don H.-

Ed. note; The last time I tried to take a Viagra pill it got stuck in my throat. I had a stiff neck for a week...On a related note, researchers at the University of Guelph have made some interesting discoveries regarding natural libido enhancers...not that any of us need them, thank you very much...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/8411227/Saffron-and-ginseng-shown-to-boost-sexual-desire.html